Coaching

You can either choose to dwell on what happened and get stuck in the past or you can choose to start using your energy to build your future. Either choice is okay. But ask yourself which choice is the most empowering? Should you choose to start to create your future here are some tips that can ease the process.

1. See yourself in the future.

Ask yourself: “How will I look at this circumstance six months from now? A year from now? Then, “how much will I (or anyone else) really care?” Know that it will seem inconsequential when you look at it from the future.

2. Look at what you learned from what happened.

The human being is the only animal who will keep running the same maze over and over again, even when there is no cheese at the end of the tunnel. (The rat stops running the maze in two or three tries after the cheese is no longer there.) Not only will the human being keep running the maze, he will attempt to explain why there is no cheese and why the cheese will be there the next time. Okay, so things didn’t turn out the way you hoped. Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this so that I can do it differently the next time and get a different result?”

3. Acknowledge yourself for the good things that happened.

Stop beating on yourself and listening to your internal invalidation machine. What did you do that was on the mark? Which parts went well? What were you happy about? Rejoice that you risked yourself and were in action. Remember Babe Ruth not only held the home run record, he held the record for the most strikeouts!

4. Get support from those who love you, admire you and will cheer you on.

Be with people who know who you really are. Share with trusted family member, friend, expert or coach. Tell the truth. Do not permit negative judgments, criticism, disparagement. Hang out with people who think you are special. (They still think you are special.)

5. Forgive yourself; forgive others; ask others for forgiveness.

Don’t hang on to it. Let it go. Stop carrying on. Focus on what’s next.

6. Understand that failure often comes before success, often in ways that are unpredictable.

Don’t forget the many people who failed before they found success or success found them. Jack London, the author, had 460 rejections before he had his first story accepted. And, what about Colonel Sanders? I’m sure you know of many others all walks of life. Anyone who hasn’t made any mistakes never stepped out of their safety zone.

7. Create the future from the possibilities that exist. Reinvent yourself.

Don’t create your future based on your past. Put your mental energy — into action! — into creating a new success for yourself.

8. You now have a blank canvas in front of you. You can throw any color paint on the canvas, anywhere you want.

New beginnings, new doors to open. You’ve heard it before: when you close one door, you move down the hall and open another. Have fun seeing what’s inside the rooms!

9. How to deal with the embarrassment?

Know that you are not a failure. What you attempted to do happened to not turn out the way you thought it would. C’mon now, if Bill, Hillary and Monica can go on and hold their heads up high, so can you.

10. Understand that human beings are not infallible.

They do make mistakes. Have some compassion for yourself and appreciation of what it means to be human.

Author:  Ruth Zanes

Are you one of the millions of people who make big New Year’s Resolutions each year, only to watch those resolutions fall by the wayside mere days or weeks later? Would you like to be able to set New Year’s Resolutions that you can actually keep? It might be easier than you think!

Choose your resolutions carefully. These should be things that you really want and are ready to work on, not just things that you think you should work on.

Be realistic. Set yourself up for success. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Make it manageable. This year’s goal can be part of a longer-term goal that you plan to achieve gradually. It doesn’t all have to be done now.

Focus on actions, not results. Identify what you can do to move towards your goal. Read the rest of this entry »

The “little bit extra” is a very powerful concept to put into practice today in every aspect of your life. The difference between being ordinary and being extraordinary is that little bit EXTRA. The little bit extra is what separates average performers from CHAMPIONS!

In a sales process, the little bit extra is that one extra follow-up call, that extra sincere thank-you or the extra little bit of energy that you put into the presentation of your business. This will separate you from your competition. You can either go through the motions of your business or you can give that little bit extra in order to cement yourself in the mind of your potential customer. We all can relate to purchasing a product/service from someone who just gave you a little bit extra attention than their competitor did and THAT is the reason we bought from THEM!

When I personally coach someone, one of my key strategies is to move them to become champions in their field. One of the easiest ways is to show them the value of what a little extra eye contact with their prospects or customers brings. You need to look your prospect or customer directly in their eyes when you are presenting your business! Read the rest of this entry »

Recently I have been watching a TV show called Blowout. It is a reality show about a hair designer, Jonathan Antin who struggles to get his Beverly Hills salon up and running. Not only do the Hollywood stars visit his shop but also many other women come in for makeovers with the hope that they too will look like the rich and famous. In fact, when their makeovers are finished they really do look more glamorous than when they walked in. Actually, the TV is filled with shows like these including the famous Extreme Makeover and Dr. 90214, which depicts Beverly Hill’s plastic surgeons reshaping and changing the appearances of women of all ages. In these shows the women, in particular, discuss how they feel stuck in a midlife crisis or are anxious about a life transition.

When I am at the fitness center I observe women and men of all ages and sizes feverishly working out. Personally, I think it is tremendous that women are working to create a new persona for themselves. It would be simple to conclude that these women are just focusing on their outward appearances. I do not know if this is the case or not. My hope would be that women are just as concerned with their mental and spiritual health as well as their physical appearance. I believe many are doing just that, but what about those who are not? What about those women who sense a lack of direction or purpose in life, which can be associated with a mid life crisis? What about those women who are dealing with a life transition and are anxious about their abilities to handle it or just feeling overwhelmed by life itself? Read the rest of this entry »

Running a business or department can often stretch you to the limit.

To be effective at doing what you do best, it’s imperative to look at what tasks you can either delegate or outsource.

Delegating

This is an interesting word. For some people it means completely letting go of their responsibilities and getting someone else to do the work. Now that’s all well and good providing that you train that person on how you’ve been handling those tasks. Show them how it’s been done first.

For many business owners and managers, delegating means completely abdicating all responsibility for a particular task to somebody else without showing them how. They expect that person to know? Immediately. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know many people who would admit to wanting to ruin themselves, but there are a lot of people who are doing everything they can to accomplish that very goal. They certainly don’t see it that way, but if you look at the way they live, you can see it happening.

I knew a man who was very strict on his daughter. This strictness was more than simple discipline. He felt he had to control every part of her life. And, of course, he never liked any of her boyfriends. While his daughter was young he could get away with being an “all controlling” parent.

The sad part of this was that he thought he was being a good parent. It is certainly every parent’s responsibility to protect and discipline their children. But it must always be for the purpose of helping them grow up to make good decisions on their own – not simply to dominate.

As will happen in every case, there came a time when the girl grew old enough to get out from under the dominance of her dad and make her own way. When she did, she ended up marrying the very kind of guy her dad despised. Not only that, but the resentment that had built up in her life caused her to move away from him and not even speak to him for years at the time.

Now, I don’t know whether or not she consciously did all of this for spite, but the result was that her dad was devastated. In spite of his wrong actions and attitudes, he still loved his daughter very much, and the years of alienation were a torture that ruined his health and other areas of his life as he let it “get to him.” Read the rest of this entry »

1. Know your purpose

Are you wandering through life with little direction – hoping that you’ll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

2. Know your values

What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2004 – check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn’t align with any of your top five values – you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

3. Know your needs

Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? List your top four needs and get them met! Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve told people for a long time that one of the “secrets” of coaching is forgiveness. Forgiveness takes your finger out of the dyke of the past so you can let the future flow. Buddha said, “forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.” It is an act of total volition, requiring only a softening of the heart. But how do you forgive the unforgivable?

Like millions of Americans, I have been steeped in this paradox. D-Day + 64 was very difficult. Honoring our dead in the midst of our current war heightened this conflict for me. How can I coach people to forgive when I am having difficult in forgiving?

I’ve talked about this with people who I deeply respect, trust and love. I share it with you. Forgiveness is releasing the bands on your heart that interfere with your moving forward. To forgive behavior is not to condone it. Condoning is like ignoring, looking the other way. Forgiving is allowing you to look without letting your own history interfere. Personally, I can forgive our soldiers for their appalling behavior and continue to work as hard as I can to change this administration. Read the rest of this entry »

Someone I know wants to move into another job in the same company. It is not a management job. It’s a job as an assistant safety coordinator.

She knows very little about company safety practices at any business. She is ready to learn.

The first task she needs to do for herself is to find out why she wants to advocate and prepare herself for a different job. Without a goal directed toward a different job, and specifically directed towards this one, her energy and focus will be superficial. It is important that she write out reasons to make this shift. They do not have to be lengthy or academic. Clear, direct reasons for getting a different job, and one where she has no experience, are the bedrock of making a serious job change. Read the rest of this entry »

Like so many in corporate America today, Susan needed more balance in her life-but she did not know how to get it. Faced with a 60-hour work week and a lengthy daily commute, Susan was left with little time for outside interests. Her job was literally draining her of energy, and her attitude at work was changing, especially within her business unit.

Who is Susan? Susan is a composite of thousands of executives who are pushed to the brink by trying to juggle demands on the job with demands at home. Susan could be you.

At work, Susan was accepting extra work and projects and was not able to say “no” to her boss. She became frustrated and drained. By accepting everything and not speaking up for herself, Susan became increasingly frustrated and angry. She became more demanding and less flexible with her own team. Her usual encouragement to “think outside the box” was replaced by a controlling “do as I say” attitude. Read the rest of this entry »